Failure.

So... wow. I haven't been on here for ages. It's strange. I just don't think I blog when I am happy, or unhappy for that matter. I only think about this when I am seriously down, when I feel like drowning myself in an ice-cold lake. Still... tonight is great. My arm is covered in fresh scars, my eyes hurt, I have caffeine and paracetemol zipping round my body, stopping me from going completely insane, and I am skipping school tomorrow. I can't go to school tomorrow. Firstly, I just don't feel up to it. I know that if I go to school I will break down, and when I break down everything goes wrong. Secondly, I have done none of my work due in for tomorrow, typical really. Finally, I hate school. I hate it so much. I hate everything about it other than art. I envy people who have to work hard at school. There are so many of those girls at my school. Girls who are driven to be perfect, and the best, and just acheive high marks in every single fucking lesson. I wish I was that committed. Of course I'm not though. I hate working. I can't work, and it's just getting worse and worse. All I can do now is draw. It's all I want to do. It's all I care about. Art. Art. Art. People say I'm obsessive. Sure, whatever. Maybe I am. That is because it's the only thing I don't fail. It is all I care about. Art is my life. My art has to be perfect. I have to be the best at art. Because to be honest, if I don't have art, what do I have? I hate myself so much. I hate thinking. I shouldn't think. I could be so smart. Why can't I do anything right? I am such a failure.

Music + Art = Life

Oh God. Bored. Bored of me.
Not gonna be me anymore. I am gonna be skinny. I am gonna smoke and drink and socialize. I am going to draw and paint and live in art galleries. I am just going to be anyone other than me. I will be happy. I will be smart. I will work hard at school and keep my mouth shut. I will do my homework. I will read books and listen to music. I will not eat. I will not be a bitch. I will be happy. I will be happy.
I won't be such a miserable disappointment.
I will not cut.

Darkness suits me better than light.

I prefer the night to the day.
I need to be anyone otehr than myself.

I am such a teenage girl.

What can I wear to the Arctic Monkeys....

So... this outfit is the most likely. Fur coat, David Bowie top, black leggings, and Creepers. How cool am I? Seriously though... I feel like shit. I am just lying in bed with a hot water bottle watching shit tv on my laptop. WHYNOW?

I look in the mirror and see a ghost.

You know... I am going to change myself. A new me, not a bad idea.

So...

Project New Scarlet


Step One: Image

• Individual style
• Fur coat
• Splashes of colour
• No completely black outfits
• Classy, simple makeup
• Cool jewellery
• Red hair (curly/straight)
• Nails always painted
• Charity shop clothes
• Velvet 
• High heeled boots

Step Two: Lifestyle

• Read at least 2 books a week
• Experiment with new music
• Walk/cycle places instead 
• Draw/ paint more
• Watch more movies
• Write a story
• Become a vegan
• Cook more
• Ignore all humans

I have a gorgeous faux-fur coat. It makes me feel like a princess.

I am becoming a vegan! I have decided on it.
God, it is just so fucking exciting. So basically no meat, fish, dairy or fur. Oh, but leather is never leaving my life. Seriously, my leather jacket is everything and all the shoes I like are either suede or leather. But other than that, I am now a vegan, or starting tomorrow anyway.
I feel so happy now.

Is everyone on Blogger a American Christian mother?

Keith Richards snorted a line of his father's ashes. Ok... slightly fucked up.

Okay, so different people have varied opinions on drugs. I think it's fair to have your own view, if you don't want to do drugs, smoke or drink then that's is good for you, but don't be an imposing patronising bitch to people who do. This isn't fuelled by some person doing something annoying, I am merely in the mood to voice my opinion on this subject. I have never done drugs, that doesn't mean I don't plan on doing so in the future, it just means at this current time I haven't. I have drunk and smoked because I felt like it and wanted to do so. I have friends who have not, and I respect their decision. It is when people think it's all right to use the fact that you have done anything against you. Well...

I don't like people. I really don't like self-righteous people. I hate liars.