Failure.

So... wow. I haven't been on here for ages. It's strange. I just don't think I blog when I am happy, or unhappy for that matter. I only think about this when I am seriously down, when I feel like drowning myself in an ice-cold lake. Still... tonight is great. My arm is covered in fresh scars, my eyes hurt, I have caffeine and paracetemol zipping round my body, stopping me from going completely insane, and I am skipping school tomorrow. I can't go to school tomorrow. Firstly, I just don't feel up to it. I know that if I go to school I will break down, and when I break down everything goes wrong. Secondly, I have done none of my work due in for tomorrow, typical really. Finally, I hate school. I hate it so much. I hate everything about it other than art. I envy people who have to work hard at school. There are so many of those girls at my school. Girls who are driven to be perfect, and the best, and just acheive high marks in every single fucking lesson. I wish I was that committed. Of course I'm not though. I hate working. I can't work, and it's just getting worse and worse. All I can do now is draw. It's all I want to do. It's all I care about. Art. Art. Art. People say I'm obsessive. Sure, whatever. Maybe I am. That is because it's the only thing I don't fail. It is all I care about. Art is my life. My art has to be perfect. I have to be the best at art. Because to be honest, if I don't have art, what do I have? I hate myself so much. I hate thinking. I shouldn't think. I could be so smart. Why can't I do anything right? I am such a failure.